Armchair parenting; the easiest type of parenting there is, passing judgement on others as they give their child sweets to keep them quiet, mentally promising yourself that you’ll never do the same. I’ve always been pretty good at armchair parenting, even if I do say so myself.
That was until the day came where I was faced with the reality that I was going to have my own mini-human to contend with, where I’d be responsible for making the rules. That combined with 9 months to wait (I’m not good at waiting) meant it wasn’t long until I’d started thinking about the things I would & more importantly WOULDN’T do as a parent.
As a sucker for a good list & now over halfway, you can imagine that my list is quite extensive. Here’s an insight into the things I’ve vowed I’ll never do…
- I will never drink my own breast milk.
- I will never allow my husband to taste my breast milk.
- I will not allow the baby to dictate my life.
- I will never eat the remainders of my little person’s half eaten food.
- I will never let my mini-me wear Disney branded clothing.
- I will never give my kid an iPad.
- Having caved, I will never allow my kid to take said iPad to restaurant for dinner.
- I will never have a supermarket meltdown.
- I will never sniff my baby’s bum in public to work out if they need changing.
- I will never allow our mini-human to sleep in bed with us.
- I will never turn down social events just because I can’t take my mini-me.
- I will not become a pushy, competitive parent (even though I know I’m competitive… and a little bit pushy).
- I will never let my tot run around with food around their mouths/snot from their nose.
- I will never refer to my husband as daddy, especially when mini-human is in bed/at Mother-in-Law’s/not yet born.
- I will never take my little one out in their PJs.
- I will never give them sweets to shut them up.
- I will not stop making an effort. I will still wash my hair & shave my legs.
- I will never let them eat dinner in front of the TV.
- I will NEVER pick bogies from their nose with my little finger.
List complete, I was sitting on my moral high ground (well as comfy as bump would allow) feeling like I pretty much had that parenting malarkey sussed. That was, until I had my friend (who has babies) over for dinner one night & confided in her about my list.
A big, sympathetic smile spread across her face. She told me that most of these things are things that she swore she’d never do, but when peace & quiet, sleep and sanity are at stake… well it turns out there’s some flexibility. I guess I’ve still got a lot to learn…
You can check out more of my pregnancy posts over at KIDLY.