White Cotton Peonies

That is what they say at least. I care to disagree. Don’t get me wrong, you’re riddled with anxiety about what others will think about you, let alone the guilt that you feel you’re somehow failing at life. But the love, support and visible relief of others is something that lifts you onto a cloud, giving you a sense of being invincible – able to take on the world let a lone a little ED shaped blip.

Then the hard works commences…. draining your prematurely fragile body of every ounce of energy that it can muster. The balloon of optimism slowly deflates, lowering you into a dark hole surrounded by the reality of the situation that you find yourself in. Your loved ones throw anchors of love, hope and encouragement but the only way out is for you to scramble. That fight, needs to come from you. Therein lies the problem.

As a sufferer, you can see the end goal, you can see that shining pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…. but right in front of that rainbow is the ‘Bank of ED’ where endless amounts of gold are available for withdrawal 24/7. The Bank of ED has some seriously appealing promotions going on and a strong marketing team under it’s wing to sell its benefits to you.

You’re on the road to recovery, you’ve admitted that you’ve got a problem… but that doesn’t automatically mean that you want to get better. That’s incredibly hard for people around you to hear. They’re desperately trying to pull you from the grips of what they see to be a deadly monster,  but we get to see his softer side.

He reassures us that when everybody tires and gets angry with frustration, he will always be there for us. He applauds us as we achieve the goals that he sets, whispering that others are trying to dissuade us due to their own insecurities. He gives us feelings of power, of control, of acceptance. He points out our flaws but encourages us wholeheartedly that we can overcome them, if only we listen to him.

He cuts us deep, telling us that we have no worth, are a burden and don’t fit in before soothing us, pulling usi

He taunts us with the knowledge that he knows the real us. He blackmails us, telling us that if we betray him, he will out us to the world as undeserving, unpopular, unattractive human beings.

Melanie Kentish

Hi! My name's Mel and I'm a 30 something blogger living in Windsor, UK with my two ginger cats and a rather handsome husband. White Cotton Peonies is the place where you'll find my ramblings on health, fashion, beauty, food and my random adventures as a soon-to-be mum. Enjoy.