White Cotton Peonies

15 Things I never knew about having a baby

04/10/2016 4 Comments

Let’s be honest, if babies came with manuals (and mute buttons) I’m sure the world’s population would be much bigger. Whilst I prepared myself with books and classes, there are still some things I genuinely had no idea about until the sleep thief arrived. Namely…

  1. Your breasts will become the go-to solution for most problems.
  2. Babies are really loud at night…. I’m pretty sure their volume control actually gets turned up.
  3. You become incredibly proud of any air expulsion from your mini human, be that from either end
  4. Your baby will develop a favourite boob, leaving you lopsided for the rest of your breastfeeding days.
  5. Babies sound a lot like pugs, over-excited pugs.
  6. You’ll spend much of your day inspecting nappies, proudly showing off their best efforts to your husband, sometimes taking photographic evidence if he’s at work.
  7. There will be at least one sickness situation which will remind you of The Exorcist. You will find the whole situation terrifying, your mini-human will remain completely nonchalant.
  8. You will save an outfit for a special occasion. When that special occasion comes, you will discover that the outfit no longer fits. It was never worn.
  9. Babies have cutlery sensors. The slightest sign that you might be about to eat and they will be fully awake, demanding your attention.
  10. You’ll be told that you’re the best person to make a decision thanks to your mother’s intuition. This is usually by your husband who doesn’t want to make the decision.
  11. Babies sleep in 40 minute sleep cycles. Even Dinner Date is longer than that.
  12. Death through lack of sleep is unlikely to occur. You might think that you’re about to die, but sadly you won’t. Coffee helps.
  13. Babies sleep like peas on a fork. I have no idea why.
  14. They’re not good at tummy time for quite a while, leaving you with quite a few weeks where they’re just face-planted into the floor screaming.
  15. Not all babies breast crawl. Many, mine included, are mini-divas and expect the milk to just land in their mouths, ideally with no effort exerted.

What are the main things that have surprised you? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Melanie Kentish

Hi! My name's Mel and I'm a 30 something blogger living in Windsor, UK with my two ginger cats and a rather handsome husband. White Cotton Peonies is the place where you'll find my ramblings on health, fashion, beauty, food and my random adventures as a soon-to-be mum. Enjoy.


  1. Dawn


    I remember learning that babies feed about every 3-4 hours. Do these babies really exist?? Nothing prepared me for the near constant feeding both day and night.
    I was also told that babies nap for several hours during the day. Nobody tells you that some babies will only cat nap and you will not be able to put them down during this time without them instantly waking in the biggest strop known to man. Almost 13 weeks in and I still barely restrain myself from physically hurting people who tell me to “sleep when she sleeps”

    • Melanie Kentish


      Hahahahaha I hear ya! Gets even worse when you go on holiday and they get thirsty ??

  2. Melanie


    Babies don’t just fall asleep when they’re tired. In fact they a) don’t know they’re tired and b) don’t know how to fall asleep. I didn’t know this before I became a mother. I just thought you put them in their bed and they’d drift off to sleep. How wrong I was!

    • Melanie Kentish


      I feel your pain. I don’t understand how a baby can be so tired and yet still refuse to sleep. If it were me, I’d need no encouragement! 🙂

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