Five weeks ago, I chose to accept the offer of help of Daycare Hospital Treatment for anorexia. It’s been a personal battle that I’ve been fighting for over 8 years on and off and with the promise of a new life, marrying my handsome Prince Charming and with ‘ED’ (eating disorder) gradually stealing more and more of my life, I decided that I needed to make a change.
After much consideration, I chose to share my decision publicly. It was something that I’d wanted to do for quite a long time but the fear of losing business and the prospect of thinking that I was ‘nuts’ due to the ongoing stigma attached to mental health issues, prevented me from doing so.
But then I grew a set of balls.
Stigma won’t go and attitudes won’t change until more people are exposed to it and more ‘normal’ people share their struggles. I’ve been overwhelmed by the number of people who have contacted me to share their experiences and it led me to thinking about what it would be like if we all felt it was OK to share rather than just portray a version of our lives on social media that we think people would like to see…? If companies choose not to work with me in the future because of the crippling illness that I’m suffering at the moment, then the likelihood is that I probably don’t want to work with them anyway.
Sharing my decision wasn’t done in the hope of gaining attention or sympathy, it was done to give myself nowhere to hide and in the hope that if I could help to save just one other person. If I achieve that, I will be more than happy.
So, how have the five weeks been? Society would expect you to tell you that it’s been fine, I’m doing well and everything’s getting better. The truth is that it’s been hell. I’ve continued to lose weight and I’m facing the prospect of being tube fed, which is something I definitely don’t want to be subjected to. I thought that through recognising my illness and committing to going to hospital everyday, a magic wand would be waved and everything would be alright. Turns out that Harry Potter isn’t lending a helping hand and doesn’t appear to want to lend me his wand anytime soon.
For now, it’s a slog, a hard slog but I’ll get there. If people don’t mind, I’m planning on sharing my journey here (warts’n’all). I know that it’s not your everyday “upbeat fashion post” that people enjoy, but if it’s something that you’d like to share with me or you think could help others, I’d REALLY love to hear so below.
Thanks for listening xox