NCT classes… Something I thought all parents had to do before their baby arrived to qualify them for the job. Eager to get my qualification (there is no badge by the way!) along with any help I could get, there was never any question of whether I’d sign up or not, I was there.
Most of the sessions were spent going over the basics… how to hold your baby without breaking it (turns out they’re pretty sturdy), pain relief (take it all) and the essentials you need (nowhere near as much as you’d think), we finally got onto the bit that I found super helpful. Breastfeeding.
I’d heard dozens of stories of people who couldn’t do it, whose babies couldn’t latch or who had tongue tie. The list of nightmare stories were endless. Needless to say, before the breastfeeding session, I assumed I’d never be able to do it. However, four hours later, 5 cookies and 3 cups of coffee and they had me feeling like I had the whole thing mastered… I mean they demonstrated with a life size dolly and everything. I was good to go.
When the Little Miss was born, I was incredibly lucky. She had the appetite of a small country and took to it like a duck to water. I was blessed. However, with time, a few things came to light that they didn’t cover in NCT. Here are some lessons I’ve learned over the past 4 weeks that I would have loved somebody to tell me…
- You can be discreet as you like but you will end up flashing boob to strangers at some point. After the first week, this will no longer bother you.
- Your boobs will leak… When your baby is crying, when a stranger’s baby is crying, when your boobs are full, when you are happy, when you are sad, when the day ends in Y. They’ll leak, everywhere.
- You’ll often not be aware of boob leakage. You may confuse baffled looks from strangers as admiring glances only to be corrected when you get home and your husband points out that there’s been a “spillage”.
- You’ll squirt your baby in the eye with milk at least once a day.
- Your boobs will OFTEN be different sizes. Nobody makes bras for that.
- You worry your child might die, choking on your milk. You’ll Google whether this is possible. Turns out it is.
- Newborn breast crawl is BS. Experience has taught that this leads to face planting followed by suffocation. Nothing about it is nurturing.
- You’ll walk around with weirdly shaped lego boobs thanks to the unflattering breast pads you’re forced to wear.
- Your husband will liken breast pumps to milking cows udders. This won’t be well received.
- You’ll no longer worry about this season’s fashion trends and instead opt for ease of access.
Of course, the feeling of providing for your baby is invaluable, but MAN I wish that someone had prepared me…