Before Bells was born, I really didn’t like kids to be honest ?. I remember having a whispered conversation with somebody at my baby shower, sharing my concerns that I was worried I wouldn’t like my own… something you don’t want to admit only a few weeks before your baby’s arrival. I was assured that everything would be different when it was my flesh and blood and I had no choice but to take their word for it. Thankfully they were right.
No matter how much somebody tells you that your life will change when you have a baby, nobody can prepare you for just how much that is the case. I’m not talking about the killer sleep deprivation or the length of time it takes to get out of the door (although these are both things are real issues!), I’m talking about the entire shift of your core.
As soon as you are holding your very own little person, a fierce protective instinct kicks in where you would do anything to ensure the safety of your child. It also becomes impossible to be selfish, every single decision that you make is based around them and their wellbeing, teaching you a level of selflessness that I could only ever have imagined. Most surprisingly, it teaches you a level of patience and forgiveness that still to this day puzzles me…. Bells can be SO naughty all day (the kind of naughty where 7pm can’t come soon enough!) and yet somehow, she always chooses just the right time to laugh along with a joke that Dickie and I are having to completely melt away the frustrations of the day, as if nothing had happened. Dickie will testify that no other person has this ability, including him! ?
All of these changes occur and you don’t even realise that they’re happening, you genuinely don’t. You know that you don’t feel the same as you did before, but it’s often hard to put your finger on exactly what that change is. I now recognise that I’m not the same person as I was before I had Bells, and whilst I swore I wouldn’t change, I’m really OK with that…. this all coming from the girl who can’t remember the last time she bought Louboutins and spent 2 hours yesterday cleaning out spiders from a wendy house. I know?!?
NB: To all of the mums out there, I am not saying for one second that there aren’t moments where she drives me to total distraction, trust me, there are plenty.
NNB: Please note that just because I don’t remember buying Louboutins, doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like to *hint hint*.