White Cotton Peonies
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For once I’m proud of myself…

06/05/2016 6 Comments

I had this week’s post all planned. My gratitude was ready for the taking. We went for our growth scan this morning and whilst the little lady is still small, it appears she’s perfectly formed, which means that along with some careful monitoring, I should be able to have a normal birth. I was on top of cloud 9.

I decided to celebrate by taking some rare ‘me’ time by going to get my nails done.Β I took a seat whilst one of the technicians that I regularly see came running over to me. It was at this point that she took 10 whole, lengthy minutes telling me how much weight I’d put on and how it had all gone on my face. What the actual eff….???

When the whole ordeal was done and my nails were barely dry enough to escape, I practically ran out of the shop. I contemplated whether I should skip dinner tonight, I felt completely crap, I started to spiral down the path of self hatred…. and then I took a breath.

In that very moment, I realised that what she was saying was complete rubbish. I know that I haven’t put on a tonne of weight (a little over a stone in over 8 months) and my face isn’t swollen. I fact checked (something they taught us in therapy) and I knew that she was wrong. That’s the first timeΒ I’ve been able to do that.

What’s more, I’m proud to be growing our little girl. I fight every day, demons that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy, to ensure that I can provide her with the nutrients that she needs to give her the best possible start to life. If I’ve put on weight, then I’m doing my job, I’m nourishing my body and hers, to look after her… but also to look after myself.

I never thought the day would come where those words would come out of my mouth. It’s not OK for people to pregnancy shame and there’s plenty of posts written on that, including this awesome one by Hannah at Budding Smiles but I’m almost grateful that it happened. I hadn’t realised how much progress I’d made until that moment… and now I can see.

A massive worry of mine has always been that our little girl will grow up and read my posts and in some way feel responsible for the struggles that I’ve been through with fighting ED throughout my pregnancy. But now, I look back, safe in the knowledge that I’ll be able to tell her that hand on heart she saved my life. To overcome the daily hurdles that I do in order to protect her and to nurture her will only prove just how much she is wanted and loved.

I’m my own biggest critic. I always think that I can do better. But today, well, today I’m proud of myself. So there’s my gratitude for this week…. No biggie!

M xox

p.s. if she’d said I look tired, I’d have completely agreed with her πŸ˜‚

Melanie Kentish

Hi! My name's Mel and I'm a 30 something blogger living in Windsor, UK with my two ginger cats and a rather handsome husband. White Cotton Peonies is the place where you'll find my ramblings on health, fashion, beauty, food and my random adventures as a soon-to-be mum. Enjoy.

6 Comments

  1. Mum

    06/05/2016

    Dearest Mel. When I caught up with you two weeks,I looked and thought..”she’s still so chic and glamorous. Your baby will be so proud to have you as a mum and Dickie as a doting dad. Well done for what you have achieved throughout your life and today was a huge milestone. A think a pat on the back is well deserved xx

  2. Hannah Budding Smiles

    06/05/2016

    Like I said to you earlier lovely, for one you’re completely beautiful and secondly people can absolutely naff off body shaming women whose bodies are doing something completely miraculous. Love this post and I hope it reaches out to loads of ladies xxx

  3. Claire at Tin Box Traveller

    07/05/2016

    Pregnancy is an amazing thing but one of the biggest downsides is that you become public property. People say the strangest things to you and think it’s OK. No wonder you wanted to get out of there fast! You’re doing an amazing job and soon you will have your little bundle of reward :) x

  4. Katie

    07/05/2016

    Yes. What Claire said! And also what I said to you earlier. People are so rude and for some reason when you decide to bring children into the world, they forget that you have feelings any more. If I looked as fab as you 8 months postpartum, let alone toward the end of your third trimester, I’d be over the bloody moon. Well done for realising she was wrong though and I’m so pleased your little bundle has got you on the road to recovery. Oh and by the way – eyelash goals! Xxx

  5. anonymous

    08/05/2016

    Dear Mel,
    Forgive me, but under the circumstances I wish to remain anonymous. As you read this you will understand why. I have been following you on Twitter and enjoying your blog. As a matter of fact you have the life I always wished for myself. “She’s a cute girl. She has a hot husband, fabulous future, baby on the way.” Did I mention she travels to exotic places?

    So here’s the thing….My last year has been spent battling Cancer. My head is bald, I can hardly walk, some people gasp when they see me. They stare at me and laugh behind my back. Yes they are ignorant. Friends say nice things to make me feel better because they know I hurting so bad inside. I’m “just not feeling it” right now. As I was the girl with the beautiful face and cool job. I regret never marrying and the big thing never having kids.

    So I know you’re a bright woman and ED’s don’t mix well with hormones :-)
    Please take a deep breath and don’t forget this post I’m leaving for you:

    People are going to say things that are stupid and ignorant. Usually it’s a reflection of how insecure and weak they really are inside.

    One thing I learned when first diagnosed and going through the horrors of Chemo, is enjoy life and the gifts you have been given. Don’t spend time dwelling on hurts from the past. Enjoy the wonderful gifts life has now put in your lap! Don’t deprive yourself of all these wonderful joys God or whoever your higher power has given you. Kiss your loved ones. Say the things always you want your husband, daughter, and family to know. You caught the golden ring. Don’t sabotage yourself by negative thoughts. Put your armor on whenever you find yourself not thinking positive.

    I can tell you “Life is short” One day you grow up and wish you had spent more time having fun and living the dream. You’re in the dream. So don’t waist any precious time dwelling on bad thoughts that more then likely are invalid. Use your Woman Power.

    I know I’m a stranger. But if you won’t do it for yourself then do it for me. Because I wasted my time on negative feelings and putting the dreams I really wanted on hold. It’s really true when they say “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

    I wish you a lifetime of happiness,

    • Melanie Kentish

      14/07/2016

      Thank you so so much. Words can’t express how much this comment means to me. I too, wish you a lifetime of happiness x

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