White Cotton Peonies
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Battling an Eating Disorder in pregnancy…

09/03/2016 2 Comments

I really didn’t know whether to post this, but I promised myself that I’d document my journey here & I’d always be authentic… so I’m going to hit publish & hope for the best.

Pregnancy when you’re recovering from an Eating Disorder.

Most days are good days. Most. Not all. I’m grateful that those good days are now the majority, there was a time where I thought I’d never see ONE ever again. I’ve made massive progress and for that I’m so grateful. Truly.

… Yet trying to win a battle against ED when you’re pregnant is bloody hard. Today is one of those hard days. I’m sitting here writing this in tears… not because I’m not happy… I am. I’m ecstatic. The future that I never thought I’d have is just around the corner.

I’m crying through frustration & confusion. Confusion because I look in the mirror & see a growing bump… a bump I’m so glad is growing as it means our little girl is doing her job… yet ED is screaming at me. He looks at my reflection in disgust. I want to be one of those pregnant women who proudly cradles their bump & yet I feel ashamed. With that shame comes guilt, guilt that somehow our Mini-Human will in some way think that I don’t want her when I do… more than anything in the world.

I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m not looking for everyone to tell me it will be OK. I know that it will be OK. I am overjoyed to be bringing a precious life into this world and I already love her & Dickie more than I can explain as a result. I guess I just wanted to say that sometimes it’s shit. I often get emails from people asking what the secret formula is for recovery… but the sad truth is that there isn’t one. It’s just sheer determination & stubbornness.

The difference now is that EVERY SINGLE DAY I choose Dickie & the bump over ED. Every. Single. Day.

Melanie Kentish

Hi! My name's Mel and I'm a 30 something blogger living in Windsor, UK with my two ginger cats and a rather handsome husband. White Cotton Peonies is the place where you'll find my ramblings on health, fashion, beauty, food and my random adventures as a soon-to-be mum. Enjoy.

2 Comments

  1. Polly

    09/03/2016

    You do look absolutely amazing Mel… and you’re doing an amazing job. I’ve been there and know just how hard it is to see your body grow and change, no matter how happy you are about it. I found I just had to take it one day at a time, focus entirely on the baby as opposed to my body and remind myself continuously that what I was doing was all for her.

    You’re incredibly strong, and just think of how proud your duaghter will be one day to know that you fought your ED so hard for her .

    Sending much love, you know where I am if you ever need to talk xxxx

    • Melanie Kentish

      09/03/2016

      Thank you so much beauty, you’re so courageous and such an amazing inspiration to me. You show me that it can be done and that you come out of the other side stronger for it. I worry that she’ll read this in years to come and will realise that I’m nowhere near perfect, but I know that she’ll be loved more than anything in the world.

      Sending lots of love xxx

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