White Cotton Peonies

15 Things not to say to your wife when you’ve got a new baby…

19/09/2016 9 Comments

When you have a baby, your life is turned upside down. You feel more love and protection towards your mini human than you ever thought possible. However, it’s likely that your mini human is yet to develop a skill called sleep and so the constant state of trance begins. Throw in some hormones for good measure and before you know it, you’re a woman on the edge.


Dads, you’re awesome, really you are…. and yes, sometimes you might feel that you’re treading on egg shells, but help that treading by avoiding the use of any of the following…

  1. It’s awesome the baby sleeps through the night (when they woke every 2 hours)
  2. I can’t wait to wet the babies head, it’s been ages since I’ve had a drink
  3. Every day must be like the weekend for you
  4. When does Daddy get to suck the boobs?
  5. I’m so tired
  6. I’ve picked up some extra shifts next week, so I’ll be doing overtime (because it’s easier than staying at home)
  7. Shall I babysit for you? (babysitting doesn’t exist when it’s your child for the record)
  8. When’s dinner ready?
  9. Who’s the daddy?
  10. You don’t get a push present if you had a caesarian
  11. The baby’s got your moustache
  12. Nice! You bought some sexy undies for me (referring to your wife’s breastfeeding bras)
  13. Breast milk kind of tastes like condensed milk whilst swearing you haven’t drunk any of your wife’s milk
  14. Shall I change the baby? (before rolling over and going back to sleep)
  15. We’ve got 2 minutes before the baby’s due to wake, fancy some nookie?

I realise that you might not see fault in some of the above, but take it from me, you’ll be doing us all a favour and saving yourself a whole world of pain (my husband can be testament to that). Turns out Dickie said quite a few of them, 14 in fact, we like to call it a work in progress.

I’d love to hear the best lines you or your partner have used… (make my day and leave a comment!)

M xox

Melanie Kentish

Hi! My name's Mel and I'm a 30 something blogger living in Windsor, UK with my two ginger cats and a rather handsome husband. White Cotton Peonies is the place where you'll find my ramblings on health, fashion, beauty, food and my random adventures as a soon-to-be mum. Enjoy.


  1. Claire


    “Shall I take one to
    Give you a break?” ???

    • Claire


      I should
      Probably mention I have twins ?

  2. Melanie Kentish



  3. Ellie


    ‘As you had a caesarean you didn’t give birth.’ Well how did the baby get here then?!!

    • Melanie Kentish


      Don’t even get me started ??

  4. Charlie


    My husband used to insist he’d been up all night with me (he hadn’t) so one night I took photos of him sleeping soundly every time I was up for a feed (about 5 times). When I showed him in the morning he was like ‘oh’. Can’t argue with photographic evidence!! Ha x

    • Melanie Kentish


      Brilliant! Dickie once complained that she had woken him up, when he had in fact woken her with his snoring ?? x

  5. Ashley


    How about after a 28-hour labour “I thought she would be prettier”!!! Let’s just say that didn’t go down well #fatherfail xx

    • Melanie Kentish


      Brilliant ???

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