Let’s be honest, if babies came with manuals (and mute buttons) I’m sure the world’s population would be much bigger. Whilst I prepared myself with books and classes, there are still some things I genuinely had no idea about until the sleep thief arrived. Namely…
- Your breasts will become the go-to solution for most problems.
- Babies are really loud at night…. I’m pretty sure their volume control actually gets turned up.
- You become incredibly proud of any air expulsion from your mini human, be that from either end
- Your baby will develop a favourite boob, leaving you lopsided for the rest of your breastfeeding days.
- Babies sound a lot like pugs, over-excited pugs.
- You’ll spend much of your day inspecting nappies, proudly showing off their best efforts to your husband, sometimes taking photographic evidence if he’s at work.
- There will be at least one sickness situation which will remind you of The Exorcist. You will find the whole situation terrifying, your mini-human will remain completely nonchalant.
- You will save an outfit for a special occasion. When that special occasion comes, you will discover that the outfit no longer fits. It was never worn.
- Babies have cutlery sensors. The slightest sign that you might be about to eat and they will be fully awake, demanding your attention.
- You’ll be told that you’re the best person to make a decision thanks to your mother’s intuition. This is usually by your husband who doesn’t want to make the decision.
- Babies sleep in 40 minute sleep cycles. Even Dinner Date is longer than that.
- Death through lack of sleep is unlikely to occur. You might think that you’re about to die, but sadly you won’t. Coffee helps.
- Babies sleep like peas on a fork. I have no idea why.
- They’re not good at tummy time for quite a while, leaving you with quite a few weeks where they’re just face-planted into the floor screaming.
- Not all babies breast crawl. Many, mine included, are mini-divas and expect the milk to just land in their mouths, ideally with no effort exerted.
What are the main things that have surprised you? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!